365/8 Discouraged

Today's theme ~ discouraged.  I didn't like it.  Having a negative theme like this one started me thinking of all the things in my life that I am discouraged about and ways to photograph them.  And let's be honest, it is January - does anyone really need to spend a day thinking about discouraging things?  It is bad enough to look out the window and see the cold, brown landscape, wake up in the morning feeling like an icicle, and see the sun setting at 5:00. 

 Yuck.

I still could not stop thinking about this theme.  So I slept badly.  I thought about my never ending laundry.  The bus driver who doesn't really understand that kids with autism can't help making lots of noise.  The new stim of squeezing the life out of 3-7 water bottles every day.  The clutter.  The garage.  Bills.  Ewwww.  Who came up with this theme???   Did I really want to take pictures of these things?

I woke up after a fitful night of sleep, determined to take a picture of ANYTHING else, because all of this discouragement was getting me, well,  discouraged.  But it turned out that dwelling on all the negatives just made everything go wrong this morning.  As I leaned over to pick up the girl for a hug, creaaak, there went my back.  All the negative thinking went straight to my back and I was hunched over like a 90 year old man, frozen.  My poor kid, she was right about to start her usual fit before school morning routine and when she saw me crash down on the bed, she had to take a pause.  I lay there for a few minutes, hoping it would work itself out.  Nope.  Dragged myself up and eased my body down the stairs.  Girly had to get her snacks for lunch while I painstakingly put together her sandwich.  Painstakingly brushed her hair (sort of).  And then headed out for the bus and looked at my watch.  Drat.  We probably missed the bus.  Fantastic.

And then it happened.  I actually got a picture of "discouraged."  I had to go back inside for my car keys and grabbed the camera while I was there, because my girl was the picture of discouragement.   Poor kid felt so bad about my back, and then the thought of having to drive into school with my cranky self just put her over the edge. 

The good news is, the bus was late today so we did make it.  I had a chat with the girl and she did get on that bus in a much better mood.  And I came home and heated up my back and it seems to not be getting worse.  Maybe tomorrow it will be better. 

And the lesson I learned for myself today?  I am not doing any of the daily themes that are negative.  I am going to cross them off the list and not even think about them.   No thank you.

Tomorrow is Peaceful.  That will work.